While attending a wedding in beautiful rural Ireland, my friend Ian and I developed a foolproof strategy for pitching Hollywood-friendly romantic comedies.
It’s devastatingly simple. Just pick a common aphorism and chop it in half. Boom. There’s all the information you need – they basically write themselves. For example…
A Penny Saved
Penny Savingston (Kate Hudson) is happily enaged to the most wonderful man in the world. When a freak electrical fire traps her in their apartment, she fears that she’ll never live to see her perfect wedding.
Then, out of nowhere, hunky yet laconic firefighter ‘Slick’ Mick Rickingstick (Ryan Gosling) saves her in the nick of time. Her world will never be the same again.
A Bird in the Hand
Passionate twitcher Belle Oiseau (Kate Hudson) is never happier than when she’s waist deep in a stinking marsh looking at rare birds through binoculars – never getting closer than a hundred yards, to avoid startling the poor creatures.
When hunting season starts, the handsome but emotionally unavailable Dirk Zweibuschen (Christian Bale) accidentally wings a rare plat-billed duckypus. Belle is forced to abandon her most cherished principle and picks up the anguished avian in order to rush it to the hospital. Dirk offers her a lift, and so begins a night that would change the rest of Belle’s life… forever.
A Watched Pot
DEA Agent Susan Watcher (Kate Hudson) lost two brothers, an aunt and a cocker spaniel to cannabis addiction. It would be impossible for her to fall in love with handsome but feckless stoner Chad Weedman (Jon Hamm)… Wouldn’t it?
Spare the Rod
Judge Judy Fairchild (Kate Hudson) is the youngest – and prettiest – Supreme Court judge in history. Her first case might be the toughest she ever faces. The debonair but dangerous Rod Steelgun (Tom Hiddleston) is on trial for killing his beautiful wife, his beautiful lover, and their beautiful sister. His silver tongue soon charms the jury, and Judy is next on the list.
Turn the Other Cheek (credit to Ian for this one)
When rival proctologists Adrian Winters (Channing Tatum) and John Foster (Chris Pine) fall in love with the same woman, their competitiveness takes on a whole new dimension. Who will succeed in winning the heart of vivacious young journalist Lucy Fulbright (Kate Hudson)…and which one will tell Lucy her father has inoperable rectal cancer?
Pearls Before Swine
Pearl Liebowizc (Kate Hudson) and Pearl Le Bouffer (Kate Hudson) have been friends for as long as they can remember. Tempers flare when they both fall in love with the same handsome, rough-around-the-edges pig farmer (Matthew Goode). Will he choose either of the Pearls before swine?