I promise, earnestly, that this isn’t a tear-soaked cry for help. It’s an observation, backed up by enormous first-hand experience, and a train of thought I wanted to follow to see where it went. Promise.
So, I’m ugly. This is what I believe. There are a few reasons for me to believe this, and they might not (entirely) be the reasons you expect. I really only thought it through for the first time today.
I think I’m ugly, because I’m vain.
I’ve been single for very nearly my entire life. I have learned, over the years, what I look for in a potential girlfriend. I have my list. I’m sure you have yours too. I have been lucky enough to meet quite a lot of girls who tick most, if not all of the boxes. It’s not worked out yet, unfortunately. So, why not?
Heck of a question.
Now, I think I’m pretty great. I also think I’m just awful. As far as I can tell, this is mostly called ‘being a living human person’.
Genuinely, though, I think I have lots to offer. I’m lucky enough to be tall and broad of shoulder. I exercise quite a lot, so I’m in decent shape. I’m bright. I know a lot of stuff, and I am funny. I can fit into most social situations with comparative ease, and make people laugh.
It’s certainly true to say that I lack some qualities that I know many women find appealing – I don’t have insatiable wanderlust, and I am not dapper man. Nevertheless, I feel pretty good about the stuff I bring to the table.
When it doesn’t work, I wonder why. Almost always, I fall at the first hurdle. A picture on a dating site, for example. My face. They visit, they see me, I never hear from them again.
I think it’s my face. I think that’s the problem. And in a twisted way, that’s a good thing. I have no real control over it. The glasses aren’t optional, although I guess the beard is. My face is my face is my face. If they hated my personality (and I’m sure some of them would/do), that would hit me pretty hard, but at least I could work on it.
I should add, for the sake of balance, that some girls have called me handsome in the past. I didn’t believe them, obviously, but those words were uttered. When I hear it, I immediately question their ability to make that call, and/or their motivation. I find it endlessly frustrating when gorgeous female friends of mine refuse to take a compliment, but I do exactly the same.
Some people are physically more attractive than others. I don’t feel like that can possibly be a controversial statement. Yes, it varies. Beholders. Eyes. But I think if you look big picture, clear patterns emerge. A lot of celebrities look a hell of a lot like one another, and that’s largely because they trend towards the template for physical perfection that our culture holds up as an ideal.
Some people just don’t have good faces. There’s nothing to be done about it. It’s shallow. We’re shallow. I’m shallow. I make decisions based on those factors too. I judge faces. I like some of them more than others. We’re told that this is horrible behaviour, and it’s what is inside that counts, but I think the outside is a pretty important factor too. It matters. Trust me, I know.